Being Your Own Man

My son, I am thinking of you. Who you are, who you will be and everything you aspire to become. I marvel at your heart; the DNA that will shape your body and mind- your ability to see the world, process your environments and use your perspectives to drive your dreams and desires. The greatest gift as your father is to bear witness to this evolution. Watching you grow from infancy through adolescence, into a man who will take charge of his responsibility for their mark on the world. 

One day soon you’ll come to know me not just as your father, but as an infant just like you- an infant who has grown through their own stages of life- the same stages you soon will walk. Along the way I have also been shaped and molded through experience. Jaded by failure, inspired by love, driven by aspiration and burdened by humanity. Defined in my own ways, I admit to you I have a bias in the way I see my own world, but not in the way I see you. Everything about you is a miracle. Your conception, your birth, your complexion. Unblemished and perfect in your design. Your unwritten life remains a beautiful mystery. Who will you become?

At some point, not far from now, I anticipate you asking yourself the same question. A question asked from time immemorial. The ageless pursuit of God’s most divine gift- human life- is centered around seeking identity and belongingness. I am not sure if this is much consolation, but the answers are as boundless as the questions. You are arriving in a world that will fight to drive you in a million directions. Often fueled by the will of others, you will be viewed at times as a pawn in the game of their ambitions, looked at as a rung on the ladder which they are looking to surpass. You will be pushed aside, pushed down, pushed back – the lines of your identity will be forcefully drawn at the attempt of those looking to create pictures for themselves at the expense of others. Yes, there will be goodness in a rare group of people who innately glorify building up those around them, advancing their fellow man. Those people should be cherished and chosen as allies. But even then, your calling is not theirs; you are who you are, a one of a kind, uniquely crafted vessel for your divinely bestowed gifts. 

The most treasured asset you have is your identity. Who you see yourself as. What you follow. Who you lead. The vision of yourself that you will hold yourself accountable to. Identity is the image of yourself standing in the middle of a bullfight. With a war around you, how do you compose yourself? What traits will you display? If you zoomed out to a bird’s eye view looking upon yourself, who do you see?

These questions go deeper than the topics of character and personality. It’s more than the fleeting responses we give to minute-by-minute circumstance, but the immutable ideals we preserve under fire. Identity- who we are- remains the bedrock for how we forge ahead in life under the pressure of a world fighting to conform you. It’s a refuge. In the loneliness of thought, it’s the fiber of your identity that anchors you to ideas greater than your fleshly desires. Some use religion, tribe or persona to define themselves. My only encouragement is that you find your own way, son. 

Don’t let the world shape you. Resist the easy urge to mend yourself to the mold of others. Stand firm in your individuality and create a sense of purposeful living that gives you a strength to draw from when you feel yourself being pulled apart. Have resolve in the security of your soul. Tether your heart, mind and body to a cable of virtuous living that you, and only you, define. It’s the image of the reflexion in your mind’s mirror. Remember, the world responds to who you really are- not who you’re pretending to be.

There will be seasons of your life when outside influence will inevitably fight to shape you. Using societal pressures, cultural norms, “should-be’s”, imposed structure and the natural desire to “fit in”. There’s nothing wrong with being amicable within your community, but by all means preserve your internal compass to guide your own way home. 

In times of my own life I’ve felt the urge to become something else for the sake of nobility. I’ve aspired to be something righteous, to maintain an outward appearance that pleased those around me. I’ve cared more about the optics of who I was than actually investing in time to discover who I was. If you don’t make a stand for the person you will be, the world will do it for you. Read that sentence again. Life is not a passive event. It’s active. Always in motion. If you don’t take charge and make decisions based off your truest self, you will compromise your integrity. Integrity, deriving from the the word “integer”- or intact- suggests that we are whole. We are one. What you see on the outside is the same as the person on the inside. The human condition will always skew that to some degree, so please give yourself grace in your shortcomings. But do valiantly aspire to conduct your life in a way that is aligned with your truest self.

That all begins with a simple self-definition. I chuckle as I write that, because simple it is, but easy it is not. Discovering who we are truly is a lifelong process. Identity is also an evolution. Naturally you’ll have defined roles, or labels, that come with their own responsibilities. Son, father, husband. Each will give you a new perspective of how you operate and conduct yourself as a man. Being a husband for example, though a voluntary position, will require commitment and the trade-off of certain freedom you may have enjoyed previously. This isn’t a compromise in yourself, it’s a privilege that you will boldly chose for yourself when you make that decision. Greater responsibility, like being trusted with the faithful duty of guarding a woman’s heart forever, will require an elevated version of you that you’ll boldly step into when that time comes.

Make it a tremendous purpose to always probe your soul for what makes you tick. What inspires strength? What gives you resolve? What could make you stand in front of a hundred people smearing you, but smile in the confidence of yourself? Son, I won’t be able to walk by your side forever. One day you will forge your path alone. In that, find strength in yourself knowing you are your own man. Unwavering in direction, trusting your hearts purpose and firm in the beliefs of who you are.