Judgement

One of the most undesirable traits about myself is how judgemental of a person I can be. More often than I want to admit I find myself mentally ripping someone apart for their shortcomings, as I wonder if they even realize the mistakes they’re making or if they care about coming off the way they do. I run entire narratives about how someone can be so mindless in their behavior, dumbfounded that they could possibly be so naively offensive. And let me clarify- I’m not talking about clear malice or evil intent here…these scripts of judgements are over the smallest things! Perhaps their tone of voice sounds mildly pretentious, or the way they carry themselves comes off haughty and dismissive. Maybe they don’t respond in conversation in a way that I think they should or make priority the same exact things that I do. The list goes on, but I hate in myself how easy it is to become so turned off by the slightest personality quirks- ones that just rub me the wrong way.

But here comes the gut check: the reason it’s so easy for me to see the pitfalls in others is because I see them so clearly in myself. Or as the saying goes, “if you spot it, you’ve got it”. Of course we don’t like to admit when we see our own blemishes, but whether we own it or not our subconscious certainly knows what’s going on inside ourselves. The condition of our hearts and how that translates to our thoughts and behavior is something we can’t ignore, though most often I do try! I am constantly working to suppress the ugliness inside me, because who would want to have to deal with that mess, right? So I just point outwards to ridicule people around me who may have similar issues because it’s easier to blame others than to take ownership myself.

The only way I can break that cycle is by sitting in prayer over my own brokenness, seeking forgiveness for my sinful thoughts and actions. The more in tune I become with my behavior, the less energy I can spend focusing on others’. Most of us don’t ever get to the place of sitting with our brokenness because we view it as a dead end. What’s the point of confronting my inner turmoil, because will my human nature ever change? And the answer is “YES”. Through grace, we are all restored. No, we will never become fully sinless or defeat the brokenness of our humanity, but by accepting God’s grace we can learn to forgive ourselves- to be empowered to take on our shortcomings, and through that process learn to forgive others for theirs. The reason I was so hard on others is because I was being hard on myself and never wanted to admit my own problems. Once I accessed the abundant grace of God who absolves me of those burdens, I become free to see others with the same perspective: we are fully human, fully loved, and fully forgiven.