Home
Like many kids these days, unfortunately, I grew up with divorced parents. For most of my childhood I had a very loving, stable home where my sister and I lived quite the idyllic life, but when the divorce happened, everything changed. Not to imply that my parents ever stopped loving me, but the stability of our family was destroyed. Between the back-and-forth of two different homes and getting stuck in the crossfire of my parents’ emotional battle, it became a painfully difficult time for my teenage sister and I.
Eventually I left for college, putting the family drama behind to start my own life. But once I left home for the “real world” I felt like I was jumping on a rocket ship that kept taking me further and further from the peace of my early childhood. Looking back I can see how hard I was running, perhaps not even realizing the underlying desire to just get away. It wasn’t until I turned 30 when it all hit me. After running for nearly a decade- constantly seeking a piece of my childhood self again and aiming to absolve the hurt of home - did I finally realize the feeling of “home” that I was longing for all along. I had missed the loving support of two equally yoked parents and the structure they gave. There was a strong sense of security as a kid and once it was gone I started searching desperately to have that again.
As an adult now, I admit that I can no longer keep running after feelings like I'm somehow chasing a ghost. I don’t know what tangibly I’d actually want, but I do know the feeling I’m after. What I’ve come to understand is that “home” to me now is not a place, but a feeling. It’s a place in my heart that represents consistent love, shelter and safety. And more importantly, that “home” exists inside all of us. We can create that personal refuge through our own confidence in who we are, learning to make our heart and minds aligned in every thought. Home is a place inside of us where we can self-soothe and create harmony. It doesn’t require anything, or anyone else; just a strong sense of personal peace and knowing who we are.